


Shards

by ArinaKuga



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned Kang Daniel, Requited Love, Unrequited Crush, nothing graphic though, the gangs all here but not shown, the shards are metaphorical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-09-06 19:16:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20296609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArinaKuga/pseuds/ArinaKuga
Summary: Pieces of a broken heart can turn itself into shards that latch onto your insides. That's what Momo felt when reality sinks in.





	1. lacerations

**Author's Note:**

> This is massive for me to be honest. I've never tried writing angst because the feelings when you write can really get to ya, especially when you empathize a little bit too hard. But life is all about trying new things right? In order to improve my writing, I have to do this. Enjoy, it's not that bad really 😉

The news wasn’t new, but it didn’t mean Momo is any less heartbroken than she is. It was ignored in the dorm if one of the members is in a relationship. They turn a blind eye on the subject unless it is brought up.

The case with Jihyo is that it is always brought up. Because she needs someone to send her to her boyfriend’s place and usually Nayeon or Jeongyeon does it. Momo usually turns deaf when the subject is brought up, eyes focus on the tv, heart breaking piece by piece.

So, when dispatch broke the news online, the reality starts sinking in real fast. Because if it’s in secret Momo can at least pretend that nothing ever happens. But now that it’s out in the open, she can’t really sweep it under the rug, can she?

It was bound to happen, no one really bats an eyelash. Jihyo’s phone rang non-stop since morning and she’s busy answering the validity of the news. Everyone in the dorm just did their business as usual, Momo too, letting her heart break piece by piece is her business as usual. The piece turns to shards and more of it latches onto her insides, leaving tiny cuts and lacerations. It has been like that since the beginning, but now the shards are getting bigger and bigger as days go by.

She watches Jihyo pace around the room, listening to every bit of conversation. It’s torturing her really. _Maybe she deserves this._ She sighs, gulping down a mug of scalding coffee, her heart is already broken, what’s a little burn can do really.

“That’s hot.”

“Thanks.”

Jihyo rolled her eyes, “I meant the coffee Momo. You’re going to burn yourself.”

Momo smirked, _your burn in my heart is eternal, _“I’m good. You look like shit though.”

Momo watches the leader rubs her eyes tiredly, so young but has the full weight of the world on her shoulder, _you wouldn’t be tired if you’re with me, _then she looked at Momo with affection, _different than how I look at you, _and extends her arms wide asking for a hug. _I’m going to die, _but Momo pulled her in, a little hug won’t hurt anyone (just her).

“I’m really tired.” Momo just rubs her back, hoping that Jihyo wouldn’t feel the shards poking her.

“We can sue them, for defamation.” She can feel the other girl giggled against her; the shards grew bigger.

“I don’t think Daniel need any more reason to go to court.” A lone tear got out of its containment, but she managed to wipe it away before anyone saw it (someone already saw it).

“Yeah, you’re right.” As she was about to break the fuck down in front of Jihyo, the phone rang, _thank Lord_. Jihyo immediately lets her go and answers it, but before she moves away, she plants a small peck on Momo’s cheek. Her eyes widen in wonder.

“Thank you Momo-unnie.”

Momo managed to turn around fast enough as to not let Jihyo see the shard poking out of her eyes, throat, and stomach; that’s why she’s crying right? That’s why she feels like puking right? That’s why her anxieties are wreaking havoc in her right?

A hand suddenly intertwines with hers, pulling her towards the bathroom. When the door is closed and locked, Momo broke down on Chaeyoung’s shoulder. Her legs gave out immediately but bless Chaeyoung for being strong enough to hold her up. They kneel on the floor together, Momo crying her eyes out and gripping the girl like a lifeline. She’s shaking like a leaf, her snots wetting Chaeyoung’s shirt, but the girl kept on soothing her. She was so glad that she told Chaeyoung about this.

When the crying dies down to sniffles, Momo finally let Chaeyoung go. The shards are all over her body now, inside and out, numbing her. She doesn’t feel like moving anymore and hopes the earth could swallow her whole, erasing her existence in this life.

“Come on unnie, showering will make you feel good,” Chaeyoung reached towards the hem of her shirt, Momo still doesn’t move. Chaeyoung proceeds with taking off her shirt, her pants and undergarments. If Momo weren’t too numb she would’ve teased Chaeyoung planning this to get into her pants, but she _is_ numb. It’s as if she’s having an out of body experience, her soul watching everything that's happening to her.

Chaeyoung hauls her ass up and makes her sit in the tub. Rolling her sleeves, she tests the shower’s temperature and gets on to washing Momo. The water cascading helps wash away parts of the shards protruding around her heart, _but not all of it_. She’s so _glad_ she told Chaeyoung about this.


	2. Healing?

Surprisingly, no one tried to enter the bathroom, or maybe Momo just didn’t hear them because she is just that numb. Chaeyoung was prepared, towels and clothes at the ready, _when did she prepare all of this? _Momo managed to put on her clothes, barely because a part of her just wants to lie in bed, naked and sad and just let the shards engulfed her whole body. She just wants to disappear.

“Let’s go out," Chaeyoung commanded, already putting on her leather jacket.

“Do I look like I can?” Momo bitterly said. Looking at her hands, it’s as if she can see the shards making its way to her palm. Like little aliens moving and bulging in her arms.

“You got legs Momo, so yes you can.”

“Sounds fake but sure.”

Chaeyoung let out an annoyed sigh. She looked at Momo in the eyes and does her best puppy dog pout. Momo couldn’t move her hand, _no energy, _to shield the sight away, so she relents.

“That was dirty, and you know it.”

Chaeyoung just smirked; her cute dimple showing. “Learned from the best really.” Momo can feel the side of her mouth curled up into a half-smile; the shards subsiding slowly.

They got an uber to go god knows where because to Momo anywhere is better than in the dorm. They almost went out without a hitch but was stopped at the door by none other than Jihyo. Luck is not on her side today it seems. _Hell, it never was in the first place._

“Where are you guys going?” Jihyo stopped them at the entrance. She was looking at Momo, but Momo averted her eyes, not wanting Jihyo to see how puffy it is. _Why didn’t I bring my damn glasses?_

“Out for a bit,” Chaeyoung answered vaguely. Jihyo just looked at them suspiciously, eyebrows furrowed.

“The manager asked us to stay put for a bit until the heat dies down.”

“Isn’t that just your problem?”

Both whipped their head towards Chaeyoung, Momo gawking and Jihyo looking affronted.

“Uber is here so we really need to go now, bye unnie”, Chaeyoung finished slipping on her shoes and walks away, leaving Momo and Jihyo in an awkward vibe.

“I’ll uh, take care of her. Maybe being cooped up is getting to her,” Momo tried to explain while slipping on her shoes (she wants to avoid looking at Jihyo). Before Jihyo could stop her, she sprinted out the door without looking at the leader (if she looked, she’ll see how Jihyo’s face fall).

She made it downstairs and the car isn’t even there. She slapped Chaeyoung’s shoulder.

“Yah! what the hell was that?” Momo asked incredulously. Chaeyoung was just laughing her ass off at Momo’s reaction. Momo couldn’t help herself, she starts laughing too, because the whole thing is just ridiculous.

“I got nervous and said the first thing that came to mind.”

“That was rude Chaeyoung.”

“I know, I feel guilty now.” Chaeyoung wiped tears from her eyes, smiling fully at Momo, dimples out and all and Momo couldn’t look away, _Chaeyoung is beautiful. _

“I’ll apologize when we get back.” She snapped out of her reverie. _Calm down Momo. _The car arrived so they put on their mask, got in the uber and sped off to wherever Chaeyoung is taking her; the shards falling off little by little.

They went to the Han River, a place where they like to go to unwind before their debut. But now, they can’t really go together much lest they want to be mobbed by fans. Chaeyoung led her to a convenience store near it and starts picking ramyun to eat as well as beers to drink. Momo just followed her around, getting herself a Neoguri cup ramen, her favorite.

“Just one cup?” Chaeyoung looked at her hand while holding a six-pack.

“Yeah, I’m not that hungry.”

“Wow, this shit is serious.” Momo just glared at her. They paid for the items and made their way into one of the secluded booths with a view of the river. With their ramyun cooking Momo observed the river in front of her and let the emotions she’s been holding back flow through her.

It starts with a teardrop, then it became a river (pun intended) of tears. Chaeyoung wasn’t trying to talk to her and Momo appreciates that. They eat their ramyun in silence; Momo still crying while eating, tears dropping into the soup.

“You’re ramyun good?”

“Salty.” Chaeyoung snorted then start to cough as the spicy ramyun soup make its way into her nose. Momo just laughed at the girl.

“Karma, bitch.”

“Fuck off.”

After they finish their food, they walk towards the river, finding a spot and sit together enjoying the view. They crack open a cold one, cheered and Momo drank the whole thing in one go while Chaeyoung sips her beer. Momo doesn’t give a shit anymore to be honest and just wants to get drunk real fast. When she moves to crack open a second one, Chaeyoung stopped her.

“Calm down unnie. You don’t enjoy spending time with me?” She pouted. Momo blinked, processing a bit because Chaeyoung is pouting at her and that in itself is already weird enough, but then it dawned on her, _she’s really trying to make me happy huh._

“Of course, I do I just—”, she stopped, looked at the beer in her hand and watch the young girl that has been helping her all this time, “actually Chaeyoung, thank you.” Chaeyoung just observes her, waiting for her to continue. “It doesn’t hurt that much anymore. So, thank you for taking care of me.” She finished that with a smile.

“I couldn’t bear seeing you cry unnie, so I needed to do something.” She laid down on the grass, beer forgotten, patting the spot next to her so Momo could lay with her together. “I’ve felt what you felt before and I don’t want you to go through it like I do.” She turned and looks at Momo, “without support.”

“You’ve gone through this before?”

“Yeah." Chaeyoung smiled but with a hint of sadness in her eyes. The sunset covers her face, making her look wise beyond her age. Momo is damn glad she told Chaeyoung about this.

* * *

Half an hour of just lazing around and drinking away, they decided to go back to the dorm. They reek of alcohol, but they don’t care, stumbling around as they made their way to the door. Momo key in the passcode while Chaeyoung clings to her back like a koala. She made some error a few times because Chaeyoung wouldn’t stop touching her, but she managed to key in the correct one.

When they stumbled in giggling away, they didn’t notice the living room was occupied by someone. Momo was startled by that person (it’s midnight) that she accidentally elbowed Chaeyoung’s nose, prompting the other girl to let go and hold onto her nose.

“Oh, shit Chaeyoung.” Momo was trying to look at the damage, but she was giggling too hard to be serious about it. Chaeyoung was giggling with her too, in pain but happy. They’re very tipsy.

“Are you guys drunk?” jihyo was on her feet, coming towards them worriedly. Momo thought she could handle the emotions but damn she was wrong. Chaeyoung senses this vibe and got in front of Momo, hugging Jihyo.

“Unnieee, I’m sorry for my behavior just now.” She holds onto Jihyo for dear life, giving Momo the signal to run the fuck away with her eyes. Momo thankfully got the idea, _how even,_ and power walk towards her room. She was panting, body against the door, fighting back tears that were about to fall, the shards are back with a vengeance. Just seeing her is making her sober.

There was a soft knock on the door. “It’s me unnie.” Hearing Chaeyoung’s voice gave a sense of relief for her. She opened the door for the girl and hugs her tightly. Inhaling Chaeyoung’s scent calms her considerably. She disentangled herself from Chaeyoung and lead the girl towards her bed, sitting on it. She leaned her forehead against Chaeyoung’s.

“Thank you again Chaengie.” She can feel the other girl nodded, her tears starting again.

“When will this feeling go away? When will it stop?” As she contemplates her fate, she didn’t see the other girl looking at her with determination. Suddenly Chaeyoung kisses her. Momo was too shocked to move as Chaeyoung’s soft lips move against her. The younger girl immediately pulled back, crying.

“It never does, especially when you have to see that person every day. The hope never stops.” Something snapped inside of her. So Momo grabbed the back of her neck and kisses her. It was soft, salty, emotional; and they can’t seem to stop. She pushed Chaeyoung to lay down and they start taking off their clothes.

Momo sits in between Chaeyoung’s thighs, peppering kisses on the girl’s jaw and bit Chaeyoung’s earlobe when she heard the girl moaning softly. She hovered above Chaeyoung, her arms bracketing the girl below her.

“If you don't want this, tell me to stop.” She stared intently, waiting for an answer. Chaeyoung grabs the back of her neck and kisses her softly.

“I want you," Chaeyoung murmured dreamily.

Momo whispered like a promise, “you have me.”


	3. Surreal

Having Chaeyoung laying on top of her naked and sleeping is surreal. She couldn’t sleep even though her body is exhausted. Her mind is too wired because of the load of information thrown towards her today. Looking at the clock it reads 3 am in red bold letters but Momo is alive more than ever.

She can’t sleep so she might as well reflect everything slowly, starting with what she’s feeling right now. She feels, content, somewhat. The shards that she’s feeling since morning is still there but instead of it poking her heart to cry, it’s numb. It doesn’t hurt her that much anymore.

The next thing she feels is guilt. Chaeyoung has feelings for her and she’s been with her throughout the period of her pining over Jihyo. She can’t imagine the pain Chaeyoung must have felt staying by her side and watching the girl of her dream being sad over another girl.

But then, she starts thinking about the times she spent with Chaeyoung. How comfortable she was with her. After concerts, food adventures, holidays and the memories looped inside her head over and over. All those time Chaeyoung had been nothing but supportive of her feelings for Jihyo. Never showed her sadness or discomfort, always been comforting.

She squeezed Chaeyoung into her, hoping she could ease some of the pain (even though hers hasn’t gone away). The girl in her arm stirred, snuggles deeper into Momo’s arms and kisses her collarbone. It’s as if she can feel Momo’s uneasiness and tries her best to kiss it way.

Momo’s heart throbbed in the best way possible. Maybe she will get better, _they _will. She closes her eyes, breathing in the scent of Chaeyoung and lets her exhaustion take over. Tomorrow, they’ll sort this out.

Momo woke up with an itchy nose. It’s like there’s tiny hair tickling her face. She tried to move away from the disturbance, but her arms were trapped. Opening her eyes, Momo was greeted by the sight of Chaeyoung’s back. Pushing herself to look at the clock, it was 8 am. Momo had just gotten 4 hours of sleep and her body feels like lead. She sinks back into the mattress, snuggling Chaeyoung to get back to sleep. Well, tried to.

There are people knocking on her door like their lives were depending on it. Startled by the noise, Momo groggily got up and head towards the door, butt naked. But before she could reach it Chaeyoung screamed at her.

“You idiot! Put on your damn clothes!” hearing this Momo whipped her head around the room in search of her clothes while Chaeyoung also sprang into action. They hurriedly put on everything, bumping against each other because their clothes are everywhere (Chaeyoung had to wear Momo’s sweatshirt because she can’t find hers) and when everything was in order she went and open the door. Sure, enough the whole house is there banging on her door at 8 in the morning.

“What the heck are you guys doing? I’m having me time, go away.”

“Check your phone Momo”, Nayeon instructed with her unnie voice; that means business. She went back in search of her phone. In the distance, she can hear Dahyun asking Chaeyoung about her sleeping arrangement, but she ignored it. She found her phone and it’s dead.

“it’s dead unnie.”

“Then charge it now.”

“It’s a damn iPhone, it takes forever to charge when it's dead,” Momo was getting frustrated with how vague they’re being. “Just tell me what’s going on, please,” she pleaded. Sana stepped forward with a phone in her hand, her face unreadable. She snatched it and reads the article.

“Momo and Heechul, dating rumor”, she murmured. It took her a second to process what she just said. And when she absorbed the information, her eyes widen, whipped her head towards Chaeyoung and incredulously said, “but, I’m gay.” (It’s 8 am, everything is confusing.)

Chaeyoung pats her on the shoulder sympathetically “I know Momo.” She just feels so bewildered. Heechul is like a brother to her; a gay brother at that too. She gives the phone back to Sana, made her way towards the kitchen and starts making coffee. Everyone crowded around her in the kitchen, waiting for something, anything. She sighed; a headache is forming at the back of her head.

“What should I do now?” Momo asked, looking at everyone in the room. Jihyo sidles up beside her, her heart twitching; but it doesn’t hurt that much (Chaeyoung’s gaze is burning the back of her head).

“The manager will call you non-stop to confirm, so you really need your phone with you.” Momo nods, her phone is charging slowly in her room (damn you iPhone). “You just have to tell them the truth and wait for the heat to die down.”

Momo’s brow furrowed, “I should tell them I’m gay?” She can hear everyone in the room snickers.

“No Momo, just tell them that you’re not together with Heechul.” Jihyo explained slowly like she’s an idiot (she is) but Momo just wants further clarification. “They might need proof too that you’re not dating him, so you need to give them your phone and whatever communication platform that you have, like email, skype and yada yada.” Never mind, she has a migraine now. Jihyo squeezed her shoulder, “It’s okay Momo, I’ll help you with this, okay?” Momo just nods, not wanting to say that _she _is also one of the sources of her migraine. Guess the universe isn’t giving her a break today too.

Chaeyoung went up to her and gives her a side hug, but Momo wanted more so she pulled Chaeyoung in for a full hug, dislodging Jihyo’s hand off her shoulder (Jihyo wasn’t pleased). She sniffed Chaeyoung’s neck, feeling a bit delirious that the girl smells like her because of her clothes. She just wants to bite her right now.

“Unnie, you okay? Been sniffing me quite a lot there.”

“You smell really good, wanna eat you.” Chaeyoung blushed at the comment, getting squirmy when Momo starts caressing her back. Her hands were getting lower and lower towards her ass. Jihyo cleared her throat and Chaeyoung stepped back away from Momo, breaking her trance. _Why am I being horny? Momo focus, you need to clarify things with Chaeyoung…since when is she so irresistible. _On cue, her phone rings in her room, _goddamnit—_.

“I’ll get that”, and sped off to her room, leaving everyone behind.

Now Momo is in Jihyo’s position like yesterday; pacing around the room talking to the manager. They’re not mad at her, because the rumor comes from a source other than dispatch so there’s no evidence to back it up. She answers question after question, getting frustrated when they kept asking for proof from her. The whole time this is happening, Jihyo and Chaeyoung are the ones staying around for her. The others busy themselves with their own agenda.

After the 5th phone call ended, she sits down on the couch. Looking at the clock it was only 11 am but she is so damn hungry. As if Chaeyoung could read her mind, the girl heads off towards the kitchen to make something for Momo. Momo feels blessed and at the same time so freaking blind. The realization hits her like a freight train because this girl has always been there for her through thick and thin, no matter how painful it is, and Momo didn’t see jack shit. But is what she’s feeling truly like (love is a bit to strong of a word) or lust? Or even just pity? (NO, not that). She really needs to talk to Chaeyoung about this.

Jihyo sits next to her, surprisingly the shards are not making itself known. “It’s going to be okay Momo, once they get a hold of Heechul everything would be fine.” Momo nods, not knowing what else to say. Things will blow over, hopefully, she and Heechul get out of this unscathed. “Congratulations by the way”, Jihyo clasped her hand and said. Momo got confused and it must’ve been on her face when Jihyo further clarifies things. “You and Chaeyoung are cute together.”

“Oh, what? Why would you—”

“Yesterday, I put two and two together.” That shuts Momo up. When she didn’t try to say anything, Jihyo continued. “I mean, I’ve actually known for quite some time. Chaeyoung really likes you, I can see it and I’m proud that she managed to confess to you. It’s very brave of her.” Jihyo has this wistful look on her face and Momo, Momo is just confused. Her supposed love of her life can see Chaeyoung’s interest in her but not Momo’s? Her brain short-circuited. Either Jihyo is dumb or just that oblivious (like Momo). But Jihyo wasn’t done yet, she turned her body towards Momo, an aura of sadness surrounding her, “I wish I was as brave as her.”

Momo was stunned, her heart bloomed, but instead of embracing this hopefulness, she’s trying her damn hardest to squish it down. None of this, until she understands what the hell is going on. But before she could ask further, Chaeyoung came back with ramyun and her phone starts ringing obnoxiously, piercing the air. Jihyo broke off away from her, mumbled, “you should answer that”, and proceeds to leave. Momo is so fucking confused.


	4. Lost and Found

Finally, after some time handling this stupid scandal, Momo could properly breathe. They managed to get a hold of Heechul and after he denies everything, the companies were satisfied enough to give out a statement to the panicking public. She’s on the bed now, about to doze off, but she can’t because she’s not out of the woods yet. Not until she sits down and talk to the girls that have been driving her crazy. Lo and behold, one of them comes into her room.

“Hey unnie, you okay?” Chaeyoung asked, sitting on Momo’s bed. Momo scoot over closer but somehow, she feels like something is off. Chaeyoung looks…guarded.

“Yeah, everything’s good now,” Momo answered like a robot because the atmosphere in the room, for lack of better word is, awkward. Like they’re underwater holding their breath for the inevitable. Momo doesn’t like this at all.

“last night—”

“Yesterday—”

They both stopped; nervous laughter all around. This is getting out of control real fast.

“I heard you know,” Chaeyoung started, she’s not looking at Momo. “What Jihyo said to you, about the brave thing,” a few seconds pass, as if Chaeyoung is having a hard time getting the words out. “I understand if you want to pursue her.” Momo was shocked to hear that, she immediately got up to sit close but Chaeyoung recoiled.

“Chaeyoung, no. I would never abandon you like that.” She tried to reach out but Chaeyoung stands away from her, shaking her head. Momo’s heart starts breaking again.

“I know what it feels like to hope when there’s a chance Momo. I took that yesterday.” Momo can hear the quiver in her voice. “I also know that this feeling will never go away that easily.” She turned to Momo; eyes glassy. “Remember what I told you yesterday? You’ll never stop loving as long as there is hope. Never.” When she exhaled; tears fall. “Thank you for yesterday Momo unnie, but I don’t think I could take it if you only stay with me out of pity.”

Momo sprang off the bed and hold onto Chaeyoung when the girl tries to dash towards the door. Momo is not going to let this turn into a cliché love story filled with heartbreak and miscommunication, not on her watch.

“Chaeyoung, you didn’t even let me have a say in this. It won’t be fair for the both of us,” Momo said through gritted teeth, eyes blurry from tears. She’s not going to let her chance on love escape her grasp like that, not again. “I may have feelings for Jihyo, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to discard your feelings away like that.

“What we had yesterday was not out of pity, I would never ever do that to you,” when she feels Chaeyoung’s shoulder slumped, they sunk down on the floor together.

Momo breathes in the scent of Chaeyoung, trying to compose herself. Now she knows that Chaeyoung is paying attention she continues, “I will talk to Jihyo about it,” she can feel her flinched, “but that doesn’t mean I’m going to start pursuing her. I just don’t want any misunderstanding between all of us.” Chaeyoung nods.

“I like you Chaeyoung, there’s no denying that. I wouldn’t have done what I did yesterday if I have no feelings towards you.”

Chaeyoung squirmed to turn around to look at her, eyes puffy and Momo just wants to chase away her sadness, “Don’t you ever think that I did it out of pity or heartbreak or whatever because I didn’t. I truly like you Son Chaeyoung. I could finally see that now.” (She can feel it too)

“What if Jihyo said that she likes you back?”

“Then I’ll tell her to fuck off.” Chaeyoung barked out a laugh, pure disbelieve on her face.

“You wouldn’t.”

Momo shrugged, “yeah I won’t. But I will ask her what the hell she’s on about.”

Chaeyoung sighed, leaning her head against Momo’s shoulder. “I don’t know what to feel right now. A part of me wants to take the plunge and believe you…but a part of me is scared shitless of losing you after I’ve had a taste of what I could have.”

“This might sound dodgy and unbelievable but, I need you to believe in me.”

The girl in her arm lets out a mirthless laugh, “I always do, unfortunately.”

Momo understands where the fear comes from. Putting your heart on a plate where the other person can do whatever the hell they want with it is scary. And that’s exactly what Chaeyoung needs to do in order to reach her happiness. Momo will do her all to make sure the heart is treated the way it should.

“I trust you Momo-unnie.” Momo lets out a relieved sigh. She tilts Chaeyoung’s chin and kisses her. Her lips are soft, warm and compliant. Momo can see herself get addicted to these lips, kissing in every way that she can, at any time. Its salty too from the tears.

When Chaeyoung opened her mouth to exhale, Momo slips in her tongue, exploring. She can feel Chaeyoung grip onto her shirt, getting so into the kiss that she moaned softly against Momo’s mouth. It’s driving her crazy. The want that she felt earlier–the _need_–is flaring up inside her and she just wants to engulf Chaeyoung in this fire.

“Un—unnie, talk fi—first with Jihyo”, Chaeyoung stuttered out when Momo starts to move her to straddle her legs, kissing her jaw and neck. When she gets into position, she held Chaeyoung close to her that she can feel the heat of her lower region on her stomach. When she nibbles her ear Chaeyoung jerked and moan against her. But Chaeyoung is right, Momo still needs to clear the air first.

She reluctantly let go of the ear she’s been nibbling on, detangling herself from Chaeyoung. She can see how flushed the other girl is, especially her face and the tip of her ears. She’s turned on as hell because Chaeyoung looks exactly how she looks last night, divine. The sweatshirt she’s wearing isn’t helping her calm down either because its Momo’s and she looks so cute in it.

She stands up, pulling Chaeyoung with her. When she asks for Chaeyoung to stay with her and cuddle, the girl refused. Momo bit her bottom lip anxiously, afraid that she’s crossed a line or read the girl wrong and Chaeyoung still doesn’t believe her. Then the girl got on her tiptoes and left a kiss on Momo’s right cheek.

“Not yet, but I’ll wait for you.”

“Okay.” Momo’s heart swelled ten times its size. The kiss becoming her source of motivation.

Looking for Jihyo is not that hard. They live in a dorm together, so they constantly bump into each other. However, these days Jihyo seems to be missing a lot from the dorm. When she asked the others, they answered that Jihyo is out with Daniel. It pangs her a bit but the tingling sensation on her right cheek reminded her who’s waiting for her and she doesn’t want Chaeyoung to wait on her forever (she’s already waited long enough).

But Momo is getting suspicious as days go by. Whenever Momo tries to approach her, she would walk the other way and integrate herself into other people’s activity, leaving them with no privacy. She’s not even alone in her room, always with Nayeon or Jeongyeon doing something together. If Momo were to put things together, Jihyo is avoiding her. It's proven when Momo called for her at the gym to spot her but she was ignored entirely—even though Jihyo is clearly not wearing earphones.

She was getting frustrated because she hasn’t been able to spend time with Chaeyoung. They talk of course but it’s not as close as before; there’s a gap between them. She misses the hugs and intimate talks that they would have—even though most of the time it would be her talking about Jihyo—but she very much wants to change that. She’s yearning for Chaeyoung that it physically hurts her heart when she can only watch the girl from afar. It hurts more than finding out about Jihyo’s relationship, and that means a lot.

After four days of avoidance from Jihyo, no cuddle session or even holding hand session from Chaeyoung, Momo had enough. She wants Chaeyoung back and she’s going to get her one way or the other. After the Lotte concert, they made their way back to the dorm. Chaeyoung and the rest of the school meal club had to stay at a hotel near ISAC, so they didn’t ride together with the others. When they arrived, the others went in first but Momo lingered at the front door because she knows Jihyo will be the last to enter. She sees Jihyo coming towards her to enter but Momo blocked her path.

“Can we talk? I know you’ve been avoiding me.” She can hear Jihyo sigh, can see how her shoulder slumped. Seems someone is dreading this talk too.

“Okay.”

They walk towards the balcony, shutting the sliding door for privacy. Neither of them tries to say anything because they don’t know where to start. Momo doesn’t know if she wants to start from the beginning or just straight up ask questions. Luckily for her, Jihyo is willing to talk first.

Leaning on the balcony, Jihyo lets out what she had kept hidden for so long. “I’m sorry Momo, for what I’ve said the other day. It wasn’t my place to say that to you. Especially when you’re with Chaeyoung now.”

“Why did you say it then? What do you mean by it?” Momo asked with confusion. She can hear her heart thumping loudly in her chest. More nervous than ever because she thinks she knows what Jihyo is going to say.

With a shuddering breath, Jihyo exhaled, “The feelings I had for you before suddenly resurfaced and I couldn’t control it. I was jealous of Chaeyoung even though I shouldn’t.”

Jihyo squeezes her hands, a nervous habit of her. “I have to let you know that I’ve loved you Momo. It’s not fair for either of us if you don’t know.”

Momo’s head hits the glass door, the resounding thud reverberates in the silence. She somehow knew, judging by Jihyo’s behavior; she thought she was prepared, but boy was she wrong. It still knocks the wind out of her. The shards are making itself known but Momo knows how to handle it. She reminded herself of the promise she made and the burning sensation on her right cheek helps plenty.

“You loved me? So, you had feelings for me before?” Momo asked, disbelief coloring her voice.

Jihyo nods, resolute.

Momo feels like screaming. It’s scary because the what-ifs start to pop out more and more in her head. What if I confessed earlier? What if I saw the signs? What if—. She shakes her head to clear out those thoughts. There's no point for that anymore.

“I loved you too you know?” Momo professed, the words come out easier than she thought because she doesn’t see the need to hide it; it’s no longer relevant. Jihyo whipped her head towards her, surprised. By this time, they’re both crying. For what? She doesn’t know.

“I guess we’re both oblivious to notice anything huh?” Jihyo chuckled, but it was anything but happy. Crushed, dejected, as if the world is unfair to her (to them). She sounds so disappointed and it reflects what Momo feels. By now they’re grieving for the lost moments that they could’ve had.

“I didn’t even remember when I fell for you.”

“Me too.”

Both are silent again. It’s true, they might not know when the feelings start but they do know when it ends. The unspoken thought is understood between them; everything is in the past now.

“I hope he makes you happy,” Momo stated. It’s the first time she had ever acknowledged their relationship. Jihyo smiled, happy and bashful despite the tears leaving trails down her cheeks. She looks radiating even with the streetlight illuminating her and, at that moment, Momo knows, it’s over.

“He does. I know Chaeyoung makes you happy too and I’m glad about that.” Mentioning her name perked Momo up and Jihyo sees it. Relieved that the girl she loved finds someone that could love her.

“We’re okay now?” Momo asked, sidling up besides Jihyo. Her energy to stand dwindling.

“Yes Momo, we are.” So, they hugged, feeling their heart slowly mending. Accepting a love that is lost and remembering what they’ve gained.


	5. Golden Repair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kintsugi (金継ぎ, "golden joinery"), also known as Kintsukuroi (金繕い, "golden repair"), is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am just so freaking glad that I finished this. That's it. Thank you for waiting and reading this far. I suck at angst tbh. un beta'd for sure.

When the next day rolled around, Momo was sure the event that transpired yesterday was all a dream. She kept looping the scene in her head over and over that it snuck into her dream. Hence, why she’s a bit disoriented waking up. But, seeing Jihyo smiling gently at her while making pancakes in the kitchen she knew, it wasn’t a dream. Even so, it doesn’t hurt as much as she thought.

“Need help leader?” Momo asked, already putting on an apron.

“Make a new batch with that bowl. Thanks, unnie,” Jihyo instructed, expertly flipping a pancake.

They quietly work side by side, like a well-oiled pancake making machine. It’s comfortable, Momo thought. But the more she thought about it, the more she realizes something. She misses Chaeyoung. She wants to do this with Chaeyoung; cooking and spending time doing domesticated things. It must be obvious on her face because Jihyo bumps against her hip, breaking her out of her stupor.

“You okay?” Jihyo asked, looking at her with mild concern. “You spaced out for a bit.”

Momo looked at the girl, traces of sadness or pain in her heart is non-existence (it doesn’t feel at all shocking). In that moment she realizes that her heart is finally settled down and she sees Jihyo as someone that she could count on; she has her friend back. So, Momo hugged her, startling the other girl but Jihyo doesn’t fight it and hugs her back.

“I miss Chaeyoung.” She stated, burrowing further in Jihyo’s neck. She can feel the girl in her arms shake. Momo whined more, aware that she’s being mushy right now and Jihyo has the audacity to laugh at her. “Don’t laugh at me you ass,” she whined, smacking Jihyo’s butt. It earned her a yelp from the other girl and retaliation on _her _butt.

“I know how you feel, I was like that before too,” Jihyo cooed, rubbing Momo’s back. “She’ll be back this evening you know?” She assured Momo.

“I know, but we haven’t really been spending time together these days,” Momo complained.

“Why is that?”

Momo tensed. She’s such a damn blubber mouth. Jihyo must’ve sensed her hesitance that she pushed Momo at arms-length and cocked her eyebrow; her god-Jihyo power move. She instantly crumbles under the weight of that stare.

“We uh, sort of, put ourselves on pause,” Momo stammered out, a bit nervous to explain herself. Jihyo tilts her head, but then Momo can see her face fall.

“Is it because of me?”

Momo couldn’t look at her in the eye but she nods.

“She knows about your feelings for me?” Jihyo pushed more.

“She knew from the start, e-even before all of this,” Momo explained further. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you, to find closure,” she managed to let that out without stammering. “So that I can fully commit to her.”

When Momo turned to look at Jihyo, she can see the other girl’s eyes start to glimmer. “I’m sorry Momo,” Jihyo apologized sincerely.

“No, no it’s not your fault,” Momo frantically reassured Jihyo, “You didn’t know about it so it’s not your fault, it never was,” she squished Jihyo against her, patting her head, doesn’t want the girl to feel guilty for Momo’s own inability to handle her own feelings. She hears a tiny okay from Jihyo and a pat on her butt. She lets out a relieved sigh because she knows for a fact, that that means they’re okay.

They finished making their pancakes without any emotional breakdown after that. Momo for the first time in a long while had fun hanging out with Jihyo without the emotional baggage. She’s still missing Chaeyoung but the distraction of cooking and eating together with her members eases it even a little.

* * *

Evening rolled around and Chaeyoung has just arrived back at the dorm with Tzuyu. They lose the game, but it doesn’t really bother them that much. They were very tired, but at least they did their best and that’s kinda okay in Chaeyoung’s book. She feels bad for Dahyun because she has to stay till the end but Dahyun is perfect to be an MC so she can’t really help her. Sana will take care of her later.

She wanted to go straight to Momo, but she’s scared. She doesn’t know whether Momo has talked to Jihyo or not and if she did…did they get together already? Her chest felt heavy all of a sudden from the thought. She was so out of it that Tzuyu had to nudge her to get off the van.

They thanked the managers and enter the dorm. Tzuyu scrambled to her room to begin her nightly routine. Chaeyoung hangs around for a bit in the living room; still wired from the intrusive thought. She wondered where Momo is because she knows Momo doesn’t have anything on her schedule today. She huffed, hugging the pillow near her; frustrated because she can’t do anything about her longing unless Momo comes and talk to her.

As she lounges around like a hot topic emo grunge, a shadow loomed above her. If it was anyone else, she would’ve ignored them. But you can’t ignore God, can you?

“Hey Chaeyoung,” Jihyo greeted her; all smile and sunshine. No matter how hard she broke Momo’s heart, Chaeyoung can never hate her. The familial bond they have runs deep between them that even the shittiest of things could never break them apart.

Besides, she understands that Jihyo was never at fault in the first place; she doesn’t know about this. She grunted a greeting, hopefully, Jihyo doesn’t think she’s being rude. She’s just not in the mood to talk.

“Can I sit here?” Jihyo asked; fidgety. Chaeyoung observes the leader, a bit confused as to why Jihyo is nervous around her. She just nods. Jihyo plopped down beside her.

“You okay unnie?” She can’t help but ask. Anxiety crawling up her neck at Jihyo’s odd behavior.

“We’ve talked. Momo and me,” Jihyo let out suddenly. Chaeyoung froze, a million different scenarios running through her head. Why is Jihyo the one telling her? Why not Momo herself? Are they together now? But Chaeyoung persevered, ready for anything; or so she hoped.

“I know what Momo felt for me before,” Jihyo continued, holding onto Chaeyoung’s hand (she wants to pass out), “but she doesn’t like me anymore. She loves you.”

Chaeyoung stopped breathing altogether; unmoving. The silence stretches because Chaeyoung literally has no idea what to say. Then suddenly she was engulfed in a bone-crushing hug from Jihyo, rendering her breathless. “She’s in her room, waiting for you this whole day,” Jihyo murmured in her ear.

Jihyo lets go and stood up, about to leave but Chaeyoung grabbed onto her hand. “Wait, unnie,” Chaeyoung called out. Jihyo looked at her and waited. “Thank you and sorry,” Chaeyoung said, putting so much sincerity in her voice as Jihyo had done for her. Jihyo just smiled and nodded, leaving Chaeyoung by herself in the living room. A few minutes of contemplating, Chaeyoung makes her move, walking to Momo’s bedroom.

* * *

Momo fell asleep after she took a shower. She didn’t mean to doze off because she wants to wait for Chaeyoung, but her eyes betrayed her…and the ASMR video playing on her phone. The reason why she’s waking up now is that she feels a weight on top of her and something or _someone_ leaving tiny bites and kisses along the column of her throat.

Her eyes flutter open and she sees the top of Chaeyoung’s head, moving in tandem with kisses pressed softly onto her skin. Momo laid her head back down, letting out a sigh when Chaeyoung sucks on the sensitive spot underneath her jaw.

“Momo unnie?” Chaeyoung called for her. Momo hummed but the sound got caught in her throat because Chaeyoung suddenly nibbled on her earlobe, prompting her to cough it out. This turns them into a giggly mess and Momo finally opened her eyes to look at Chaeyoung who is hovering above her.

“Welcome home Chaeyoungie,” Momo murmured sleepily, it feels like a dream having the girl back in her arms. But she suddenly realized that Chaeyoung is in fact here with her and doesn’t know what happened between her and Jihyo yet. So, before Chaeyoung could lean down to do god knows what, Momo thwarted her advances by holding her shoulders. They blinked to one another.

“Do you not want to?” Chaeyoung hesitantly asked, afraid that she read the mood wrong.

“God, Chaeyoung, of course, I want to, but I still haven’t told you about Jihyo yet.”

“I knew about it already, that’s why I’m here.”

“Oh.” Chaeyoung can’t help but laugh at Momo’s clueless face. She rains down kisses on every surface of Momo’s face making the older girl softly giggle against her.

“I love you Momo,” Chaeyoung murmured against her forehead. Momo feels her heart beat faster and body warmer. She pulled Chaeyoung in and rolled them over.

“I love you Chaeyoung,” Momo whispered before kissing Chaeyoung with all the love that she has in her. It was soft but urgent; almost desperate in the way they’re kissing. She bit on the younger girl’s bottom lip and pushed her tongue in to feel more of her. When Chaeyoung moaned she felt a spike run down through her spine and the memory of the night she spent with Chaeyoung crosses her mind. She slots herself in between the girl’s legs to get closer.

She pulled herself back, Chaeyoung chasing her lips, and dive back down to leave kisses on Chaeyoung’s neck. “God, I want to love you so much Chaeyoung,” Momo couldn’t help murmur, her hand roaming into Chaeyoung’s shirt, feeling burning skins under her fingertips. Chaeyoung squirmed under her, overwhelmed by Momo’s words and touch.

“Please, unnie.”

Momo observed the girl under her, with her heaving chest and closed eyes; stunning with how the light from outside is painting her face and body. “You’re so beautiful,” Momo said, pushing the girl’s shirt upward, revealing more skins for her to enjoy.

Chaeyoung helped to take it off the rest of the way and Momo immediately latched onto one of her nipples. That earned a loud moan from Chaeyoung and Momo preened at the sound; happy to be able to make her feel good. She sucked and bit, her other hand inched up to grab onto the other breast to give the same treatment.

By this time, Chaeyoung feels hot all over, her ears, her cheeks, the places that Momo is touching. She couldn’t stop the tiny whimpers and whine from leaving her lips, no matter how hard she bites her bottom lip.

When Momo notices this she let’s go of the nipple she’s been sucking on and proceeds to kiss Chaeyoung while her other hand joins on kneading at her breasts. She pulled on her bottom lip, nibbles on it and pushes her tongue in, tasting everything that she could touch.

Chaeyoung grabbed onto her nape to anchor herself, feeling like she could float at any moment now with how soft and desperate Momo is with every touch.

“I just can’t get enough of you Chaengie,” Momo murmured against her lips.

“Then have all of me.”

Hearing that makes her blood boil, so she descends, nibbling on collarbones, leaving hickeys and kissing sensitive skins that would coax moan after moan from the girl. When she reached the hem of her shorts, Momo didn’t waste any time on taking it off; pulling it in one go and leaving the girl bare to her. She caressed her thighs, holding the back of knees and spread her wide open.

Chaeyoung breath hitched at the action and her throat dried when she sees the hungry look in Momo’s eyes. She drinks in the sight before her; Chaeyoung bare, open and _wet_ for her. So, so wet for her that Momo had to lick her lips because of how dry it is. She moved into position, eye level with the lips she wants to taste the most.

On the first lick, Chaeyoung arched cleanly off the bed, almost pushing Momo off, but Momo held onto her hips; grounding her. The taste evokes the memory she’s been keeping since that day, the taste that she has been craving for so long. She licked from bottom to top, collecting all the essence she could reach. When that’s not enough, she licked, sucked, and bite; pulling moan after moan from Chaeyoung. She thrusts her tongue inside and Chaeyoung grabbed her hair to grind herself on her face.

Momo couldn’t get enough of the taste so she introduces her fingers into the fray. Pushing in one finger elicits a splash of slick that Momo immediately licks as to not waste any. When she starts sucking on the girl’s clit and thrusting her finger to hit that wall, Chaeyoung tensed up and moan. Her thighs clamped around Momo’s head, trapping her in between; Momo doesn’t mind. She cleans up her mess and let’s go when she feels Chaeyoung’s hand pushing her away.

“Unnie, come here please,” Chaeyoung plead, pulling her hands. Momo immediately hugs her, feeling their body slot perfectly against each other.

“I love you Chaeyoung-ah,” she whispered reverently in Chaeyoung’s ear.

“I love you Momo-unnie,” Chaeyoung whispered back, kissing her as if her life depends on it.

As the night continues, Momo realizes one thing, when they’re done and the girl that she loves is sleeping on her chest. The shards that were previously occupying her heart and soul were no longer there. In fact, Momo theorizes, the warmth that she feels from Chaeyoung’s presence has molten it down into liquid gold that courses through the crack and crevices of herself; instantly mending her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my twt is @anothingqueer if u wanna shout about anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow my twt if u wanna shout or just want someone to listen too. @anothingqueer


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